[STL] CARY, Ill. • Authorities executing a search warrant at a suburban Chicago home last week found a marijuana growing operation, processed drugs — and a 5-foot-long alligator. The McHenry County sheriff’s office says 26-year-old Nicholas Cosmano faces multiple drug charges after the search of his Cary home. He was also fined $200 for violating the county’s animal control ordinance for keeping Snowflake the alligator as a pet. Cosmano is being held on $25,000 bond. Police say they found Snowflake in a bathtub at the home. It has been turned over to the Chicago Herpetological Society for safekeeping. Officers say the house also contained 16 marijuana plants, 100 grams of processed pot, grow lights, growing chemicals and drug paraphernalia.
This alligator is such a dick. If you’re building a cannabis empire out of your home and you decide to protect it by digging a moat and filling it with alligators, I think it’s pretty safe to assume that those alligators are going to eat anyone that tries breaking into your garden. And I’d say that’s a fair thing to expect too. Like, if you get a bunch of sharks with freakin’ laser beams on their heads, you’re just going to assume that those sharks are going to shoot intruders with those laser beams. They’re not just going to swim around like a bunch of fruity dolphins and never use their lasers. Otherwise, what’s the point? Well, guard-gators have one purpose, and that’s to Captain-Hook anyone who tries busting in on the operation. Well imagine the surprise and disappointment Nick must have felt when he found out that Snowflake here just rolled out the red carpet for the Sheriff’s Office. No reports of any casualties or even so much as a missing limb. Just a fat, lazy alligator named Snowflake. I’d say he was probably high on the crops, but he clearly did not have a case of the munchies.
